Kingdom Hearts Crack Fic
by supersam4ever08
Summary: Axel wants to be random but the sticks and the fish army in the sky won't let him. Crack Fic/Mature Humour Reader Discretion advised


**WOOHOO FOR CRACKFICS.**

-o-o-o-

"Hi," said Axel to his penis. It said, "*SQUIRT*" back. "Hmmm," Axel hummed to his hand. "You would love to jerk, wouldn't you?" He moaned Zexion's name repeatedly. He thought about asking Zexion to marry him, but there could only be two bushes in a relationship as Larxene once said.

This wasn't going very badly. Like Xemnas usually retorted, "BAH." Axel had wet himself thinking about the joys of being gay. He zipped down his zipper to release his penis so he could enjoy his time better. Soon, Zexion would arrive and Larxene would film everything. Xemnas was stuck up.

After a long time, Axel had a boner again. Soon, Larxene asked him if he would like to be friends. Axel denied her angrily. He only wanted to be a pimp so that Larxene would fuck him. However, Zexion soon came to his house and saw them screwing. He cursed them eternally with his powerful penis. They were terrified of his penis. It was pronged and spiky, but it looked like it was yummy.

Zexion dominated Larxene, but Axel dominated Zexion. Larxene was enjoying not being killed by penises. Axel decided to try out something he had not heard of before. He thought about trying to do Xemnas. Larxene and Zexion were mortified, to say the least. Eventually, Axel saw the boring Nobody in the kitchen. He looked at him and cried.

The rest of the day, Xemnas sobbed like a rock. He was upset that Axel wouldn't do him. Larxene was happy and Zexion was uncaring. Before lunch began, Marluxia and Vexen came up to them and asked to have a threesome. They were extremely excited.

That night, Vexen showed his giant fingernail. It was very blue and green. It also scared everyone and that was when they brought pickles to cure boredom. The best remedy for sex is bananas, because they are smelly and nasty. Pickles were no better, but they were like heaven to the Satan.

Zexion seemed pregnant and Axel was horrified. Larxene asked Vexen, "How does that happen?" He replied, "How can I help?" Larxene shouted, "YOU CAN!"

Xemnas argued with the dumb stick, "You are worthless and annoying." It didn't sob like a rock. However, it did cry like a bitch. Xemnas moaned and cried because he couldn't break it. Axel knew that it would affect the situation if the stick continued to bother Xemnas. Zexion thought about destroying it with his armpit, but the pit was too weak to withstand the stick.

Marluxia pulled Xigbar from his hellhole and raped his bear. Poor little thing; it didn't cry, but it did try to kill him. Xigbar cried but Marluxia told him about how the stick destroyed Zexion's knee since Xemnas wouldn't run away. Xigbar gasped and decided to help Axel masturbate.

Axel didn't fight him but Xigbar saw through the thin stick. He was planning to eat the stick, but in Heaven, sticks were considered angels. How could he destroy the branch without harming its babies? He was ugly.

Vexen died then Marluxia screwed Zexion while Xigbar raped Vexen's mouth even wider than it would normally allow. Axel watched miserably, but enjoyed fapping to the necrophilia that was happening. Vexen's dead fingernail remained solid, but it was scary to kill. That was when Xigbar happened to show his ginormous toenail. It looked lustfully at Vexen's fingernail and the two decided to die together. Larxene cried and Axel shaved her butt to remove her moles. The fish in the moon came to the beach and saw the situation. The leader of the stick also saw the situation. They united their power and devised a plan to color Zexion's coloring book.

Little did they know, Zexion had no coloring book! Instead, he had a bowl of poop that stank like eggs. He watched as the army of fish and sticks formed an armada of tanks in the sky. He helplessly hoped for Roxas to save him and his shoulder from the looming death in the sky. Roxas knew about Xigbar, but his toenail ceased to bring happiness to him or Demyx so he remodeled the toenail into a weapon of mass destruction. The weapon was forged from penises of past lovers and rape. It resembled a bee.

Larxene saw Zexion and Xigbar and Axel peeing on the carcass of Vexen and sticks. One day, a boy named Axel came back to kill the Axel. Axel was Axel, but also Axel. Reno longed to touch penis, but his son was not a homo penis yet. Roxas had no feelings for Reno or Axel or Xigbar or Zexion or Vexen or Marluxia or Square Enix or Xemnas or Demyx or Lexeaus or vagina or wallets or purses or anything but guns. So he then delivered the weapon of mass destruction to Vexen and he gratefully revived, just in time to eat and poop out the death of piss.

The weapon killed Larxene and it also killed the army of sticks and fish in the sky. Vexen looked worried about Larxene, but he noticed a disturbance in the force. Axel came to Vexen's side and raped him silly. Larxene's father died in her arms also. He was revived too because he is still dead. Zexion ate Larxene out while Xemnas died again. Xigbar cried for the millionth of December because Chester ran away. Soon Marluxia rejoiced when Vexen lived again. However, Vexen sobbed like a rock.

THE END.

Shrek heard knocking at the door and slammed the diary shut. Fiona's father walked in and asked what was wrong.

Shrek nervously replied, "I was just reading…a scary book."

:3


End file.
